No Control ~ Please Pray

The other day Lyle's boss brought up the adoption-holiday topic. He tried to lay down some ground rules about when Lyle could take time off to go to Ethiopia, for how long yadda yadda yadda. All these things were originally cleared when Lyle had his interview back in November, but for some strange reason, the topic randomly came up this week. Lyle tried to explain to his boss that we don't have much control as to when we go. We get our referral when we get it. We wait for all things to be processed and then we're told when we go. Lyle's boss finished the conversation off with "you have more control than you are admitting".

Well, I received some very upsetting news today. Our friends that have been in a long-haul adoption through Uganda emailed some sad news. A huge hurdle they were able to get over completely was the financial side of things before going to Uganda. After their first adoption agency closed down and walked away with thousands of dollars, they were able to raise enough money to complete the adoption and get to Uganda to pick up their children. Since then, more hurdles arose.

They got over paperwork hurdles quite quickly in Uganda and then headed to Nairobi to finish things off. In Nairobi, things hit a wall. The mom has been there for two months and the dad is on his second trip to Africa, this time with their other kids too. Today, after having had their children in their arms for two months, and caring for their needs, including hospital and doctor visits for things like malaria etc. the Canadian officials have denied the visas for the kids to come to Canada. Tomorrow, the kids are being sent back to Uganda and in a few days the family will come back to Canada. It is hearbreaking. There is a possibility they can try again for these kids but ... it'd be another rough journey. For one, theyve already sold off their possessions, they've begged and borrowed money and are financially destitute.

This family needs prayer. They need provisions, and more importantly they all need healing. The parents and the children they already have, plus the two Ugandan children that were bonding with their new family and now have to be torn away from. I called them in Nairobi today, but really, no words can comfort the loss they feel right now.

I also called Lyle at work to share the news. I told him this is a perfect example of what to tell his boss. We really don't have control of much, if anything really. And, I do suppose this answers the question many people have asked as to why CAFAC's clients wait to travel to pick up their children from Ethiopia until ALL the paperwork is completed and approved. You just never know.

Finally, some action!

Just moments ago the social worker left our home. We finally were able to welcome her in to do our homestudy update. It was terrifically painless, and less than an hour long.

After a day of five children for dayhome and another five for visiting [yes ten all at once for a few hours in our little place!] running through my home, and cooking lunch today for thirteen people [mom's were there] I quickly got into cleaning mode. I normally enjoying cleaning house, but today it was harder to get in the mood. I woke up tired and sore. Yesterday, during dayhome hours, another false fire alarms went. I carried in one arm a three-year old child and 30 pounds of fur [my two cats in a carrier] in the other arm, along with the emergency pack on my back, down 20 stories. I'm still sore from that adventure. Then it was craziness today and late pickups of children. So I had a short period of time to clean up and make dinner ... and let me tell you, a hefty clean up was needed after all that!

Oh ... and the vacuum broke and the floor REALLY needed to be cleaned. Lyle managed to get to a vacuum place to pick up the part after closing hours. They stayed open for him. He came home, quickly fixed it, vacuumed, ate dinner and managed to change in less than an hour.

Normally, I wouldn't be so worried about the presentation of our home with the social worker. I've been through enough visits to know that it doesn't have to be spic and span, just lived in and cleanliness being apparent. But, after all the foot traffic today, and it coming to the end of the dayhome week, it SO BADLY needed to be cleaned.

Back to topic. The visit went very well. A lot more painless than I thought. Having had change to just about everything in our lives, I thought we'd have to re-do our financial form, do new house pictures etc. Nope. She just includes everything in the body of the two-page report. Ethiopian officials will keep the old financial papers and the old home pictures etc. and just know we moved, can still afford to feed children, are still healthy yadda yadda yadda. YAY!

Here's the next steps:
She'll type up the report.
Both her and the Provincial agency will sign off on it, and we'll get a copy to verify the facts.
They send it to the Province office in Edmonton.
Approximately two months later they'll provide the Provincial Approval letter.
The report and the approval letter go to the Federal Agency [CAFAC].
CAFAC verifies it and sends it to Foreign Affairs in Ottawa for authentication.
Foreign Affairs sends it back to CAFAC.
CAFAC sends it back to Ottawa to the Embassy for authentication.
The Embassy sends it back to CAFAC.
After two additional months for those authentication steps, the report goes to Ethiopia to be added to the file.
We'll continue to wait.

But we have been told that all these steps won't hold up a referral should the referral come before Ethiopia receives the update report. Let's hope their word stands up. We'll keep you posted on news.

Something to Consider Signing

I have just read and signed the online petition:

"Full Citizenship for ALL Adopted Children: Support for Bill C-397 - An Act to Amend the Citizenship Act "

It's something all should consider signing. Thank you!

One Year

We are now one year into our referral wait. Celebration? Not really. But being that the day is also Lyle's birthday, we didn't let it depress us or worry about. Besides ... this whole move to Calgary has really helped make the time pass quickly and allowed us to keep busy "updating" without doing nothing but thinking that our dossier has been sitting for one year in Ethiopia waiting for our match.

But there is some good news. Lyle's and my background check came through clean. Since living in Alberta, we have not harmed a child and no one has reported us for abuse. No surprise. :) And I FINALLY went in to get my criminal record check done. It's done differently than in Abbotsford. In Abbotsford, it's done on the spot and you leave with the paper. Here, you pay for parking downtown ... walk a few blocks ... see a concierge ... fill out some paperwork ... stand in line ... pay your money ... wait three to four weeks for the paper to come in the mail.

Lyle still needs to do his. Because it's in Calgary and is only open from 7:30 to 5:00 he cannot get there too easily. He works in Airdrie from 7:30 to 5:30. Being that our current residence is in Calgary, he cannot do the check in Airdrie. Hopefully sometime this week he can escape to do it.

Next ... social worker visit. I'm sure it will go fine. ESPECIALLY SINCE OUR HOUSE IS NOW SOLD AND WE'VE GOT THE PLANS FOR OUR NEW PLACE STARTED. Hopefully next week I can post about what's happening with a new place in Airdrie. And the social worker can now know that I am working full time so I don't have to stress on the financial perspective. My dayhome in the condo is up and running. I'm currently looking after 3 kids full time from Saudi Arabia. They don't speak or understand English yet. I also have one part time girl temporarily. Things are good ... and we'll continue to wait for our referral.

Post Placement Report and Adoption Update

I finally did it. Earlier this week I sent off Mikiyas' yearly post placement report. This one I completed all on my own. During the first year, three are done, but they are all done by the social worker. Thereafter, you do them yourself each year until your child is 18 years old. This was my first one authored by myself. I even discussed the age discrepancy and that we are working on getting it fixed with citizenship. I wonder if that means I'll have one less report to do later?

Regarding the second adoption, we have sent off our background checks. This Saturday we are FINALLY going to the Registry office to request Alberta Driver's Licenses. We had held off in hopes of being able to put our permanent address on them. But alas ... Once we get the new Driver's Licenses, we will go to the Police Head Quarters down town and get our criminal record checks. That is one thing that is different than BC. You can't go to your closes police station to get it done. You have to go to HQ! This means during regular office hours so Lyle will have to take time off work to make it into down town. Ugh!

We received the Country Update from our agency today. Good news and bad news. The good news is our Canadian Rep went to Ethiopia. She met with the Ministry of Women's Affairs on May 7, to discuss the overall program and the specific allegations made by the wonderful [NOT] CBC article on TV. Let me quote:

"Of particular concern to him was the children and the confidentiality of all children's backgroun and that this information is not for public display."

and

"I specifically asked him about a "Watch List" and he indicated that there isn't a watch list of any kind, however there is a list of all 70 agencies working in Ethiopia and all agencies comply with a random audit of their files, foster homes, staff etc. CAFAC is number 13 on that list of agencies."

So, that answers that. I do vividly remember CBC meeting with the woman in Ethiopia showing the list and that we are number 13 on their "Watch List" of NOT complying. Well ... ttthhhpppppttt!! [That's me sticking my tongue out and blowing a na-na-na-boo-boo at you.]

The other good news is that lots of referrals have come in. This past month alone there has been 13, bringing this years number to 37. CONGRATULATIONS H!!!!! So happy you finally got your referral for a daughter. YAY!

The bad news is ... the average wait time for referrals is bumped up to 17 - 21 months. May 31 will not only be Lyle's birthday but also our one year wait for our referral. Hopefully we'll travel by Spring 2010.

Eleven Months

The picture says it all.

It feels about as fast as we are going in the process.

But I think we're one of the few people who are still okay with as our provincial homestudy update hasn't been completed.

It's our fault the homestudy update hasn't happened yet. We've been holding off doing it in hopes of moving.

But we're not moving out of the condo [aka hotel] anytime real soon so we're going to go ahead with doing our homestudy update now.

We've received some paperwork to complete and once that's done, we'll make the call for the social worker to visit us here.

Then we're back to sitting on pins and needles again waiting for that one individual to determine the fate of our family growth!

these conversations keep happening

I posted a long post on our private blog about what exactly we were doing Friday last night, but I thought that part of the night deserved to be put on the adoption blog ... more as a forwarning to those waiting parents that crazy things do happen to us adoptive parents.

Here is the horrifically funny [looking back], yet frustrating, story of the night. While I was walking with some people back to the condo, Lyle and Mikiyas walked to our car parked on the street by the park three blocks away [where we were for the evening]. Lyle just buckled Mikiyas into the car when two African ladies accosted him! In their very limited English they made it clear Lyle was not to get in that car. One lady was staying with Mikiyas and one was taking Lyle to the building manager’s office. Lyle quickly figured out what was going on, and after they kept repeating that Mikiyas would be safe, he relented and went with the one lady to the office. I, not knowing what was happening, kept receiving phone calls on my cell phone from some lady who didn’t really speak English. I couldn’t understand anything. Then my phone went dead. I had no idea it was Lyle [sort of] calling. They were trying to get confirmation that this white man was Mikiyas’ father and he was allowed to take this child away.

While waiting in the condo for everyone to come, I noticed a group of people gathered around our car on the street 3 blocks away. [We have such a great view!!] I phoned Lyle’s cell to see what was going on and this same woman answered. WHAT? She tried speaking to me and I’m thinking the worst in my head that something has happened to Lyle and Mikiyas. I didn’t understand and I hear Lyle in the background saying “it’s my wife calling”. They finally let him on the phone and he reassured me that things were now okay but there was concern that he was kidnapping a child that wasn’t his.

You know, I remember posting a couple of years ago on here that I always wondered if something like that would ever happen. You know, you lose a child in a store and you go to claim the child and the manager is like “ya right”. Or you cross the border to go the states. Or you pick your child up from something and people think “that’s not your kid!”. But I hadn’t heard of it actually happening to anyone I know.... until now!

While the firetrucks were at our building [full story on the private blog, but short version is something somewhere in our building set the fire alarm off], Lyle, Mikiyas, the cats and I went back to the playground just to chill out and wait. I was cleaning up a few paper plates and cups that were missed [again, full story on the private blog] and one of the older boys started swearing away. Since they know me a little now, I asked him if he could keep it down because I didn’t need my young son learning to swear. “Where’s your son?”. “Over there on the swing.” “The black kid?!” “Yes.” With that, I walked away and told Lyle I really needed to just go home.

Citizenship ... again

It was about a month ago I suppose ... and I neglected to post it on here. Sorry I didn't keep you all up to date in a timely fashion.

We received a letter from citizenship. Our application for Mikiyas date of birth change has passed the first level of critique ... I think ... I'm assuming so ... it didn't really say. But, due to the precedent setting nature of our request, it has been passed on to a second review board. If they require any additional information, they will let us know ... in writing of course!

I am starting to look into homeschool options in case this keeps going and I am unable to enroll Mikiyas in kindergarten. Good thing I've been getting used to preschool via homeschool.

On a different note, here's a funny tidbit. While at the park yesterday I was speaking with a lady, whom I believe is from Sudan. Here is our conversation:

Her: Is he your son?
Me: Yes he is.
Her: How black is his father? [I'm assuming that would give some indication as to where he would be from??]
Me: He's white. Our son is adopted.
Her: From where?
Me: From Ethiopia.
Her: Oh. [She looked pleased and approving during a moment of pause.] Did you get him off TV?
Me: Um, no.
Her: Did you go there?
Me: Yes.