three birthdays in less than 12 months!

This is a long post, but it covers something we’ve been going through for the last 15 months. It’s my way of unloading, keeping a record and sharing with others what to do. We are expecting that after people read this, or hear from us verbally, that we will get many “I told you so’s”. Oh well. Here goes our story:


We have constantly been battling the age question with Mikiyas. Everyone, strangers included, say he's not the age we tell them. We got so tired of people telling us "There must be a mistake" "They must be wrong" ... we could have screamed, so we started ignoring the question. At one point Lyle and I literally asked people back “How old do you want him to be?”. If we told them, they’d not believe us anyway. They don't question your answer when it's a biological child. Yes, Mikiyas seemed tall – big deal. I met many biological families while shopping in kids’ stores with children younger than Mikiyas and bigger than him. After a while, when strangers asked, we just told them what they wanted to hear – an older age.

Yes, Mikiyas is older than his “on paper” age. Have we been ignorant to this fact all along? Not all. Although Mikiyas is our first child, we aren’t dense. We did see the signs very early on. But there are some parts of our lives that need to be kept personal until the appropriate time, which in some cases, is never. Mikiyas deserves to hear his pre-Hatton life story before anyone else. Mikiyas deserves to know about himself before all the strangers, our friends, and even our closest family members.

Did we lie to you? Yes and no. In previous posts about Mikiyas’ development we did not lie. When assessed at his paper age of 20 months, he acted like an 18-20 month old child. He was right on track as per child development. But, that still brought questions for Lyle and I. He shouldn’t have been right on track. Having gone through what he has, and having a language barrier, he should have been developmentally delayed.

Before we met Mikiyas, we only had pictures and he looked much bigger than his “paper age”. In the referral pictures he looked like he was five years old. When we received Mikiyas, he was actually very small. He was barely in 12 month clothes. We had to go through the donation stuff to keep out a few outfits that would fit him while in Addis. He behaved like a 10 month old and could barely walk. When he was seen by doctors in Canada, and assessed developmentally, his social skills were that of a 3 month old. At that time, his birth certificate stated he was 18 months old. We figured it was fine and he would do the catch up thing.

Well he caught up for sure ... very quickly. Quickly enough that even 2 months later we were defending his age that yes he was 1 1/2, not older as he is tall and very smart. It was at this time that we hired an investigator in Ethiopia to try to locate Mikiyas’ birth family. We planned to do this from the beginning so Mikiyas could have some history, but we didn’t plan to do it quite so soon. His family was found very quickly. [We will not answer any questions regarding Mikiyas family, and why he was placed for adoption, so please do not ask. When Mikiyas is old enough, he can choose whether to share his story.]

So after getting in contact with his birth family and learning the correct date we decided to take further steps. We learned what the process would include obtaining a correct birth certificate from Ethiopia. It would be a long and tedious process, costing even more money. Until that happened, we were told, we could not have anything in Canada changed. Registering daycare caused hassles. Sunday school, swimming lessons ... everything was a struggle. Mikiyas was continuing to cognitively catch up quickly. Nursery programs were boring for him. He excelled and surpassed kids “his age”. To keep his attention, we worked diligently with him at home. He loved to learn and it was the only place he could get it.

We thankfully found a daycare that had an opening for him. The daycare ran both nursery and preschool programs. We didn’t tell her about the age discrepancy right away because it wouldn’t do any good. No one can acknowledge his actual age. She never questioned his age, but soon learned of his intelligence so she went ahead and put him with the preschool kids. That was the best thing that could have happened, but it came with a cost - $300.00 a month more than the average daycare. But all other daycares that accepted children under 30 months had no openings, and Lyle had to go back to work.

In the meantime, we were gathering more documentation to assist in eventually getting a change done. Wrist x-rays, dental documentation [that was easy – he has all his 2 year molars fully grown in], child development tests ...

With all this testing, we also had to keep in context that children of African descent develop faster. So as we gathered our evidence, we also had to back up the medical confirmation that taking into account speedier development genes, his age still needed to be corrected. We've talked to various dental experts about the teeth and they have all said that dental actually does develop the same – it’s like the only thing. One of the dental paediatricians works 4 months of the year in Ghana and Kenya and still said that. At the paper age of 20 month, Mikiyas had all his 2 year molars, which if anything, should have come late from malnutrition. The bone x-ray has a deviation range of 4 months, but that still put him at the same age his birth family stated.

Some people gave us advice to let it be. Let him be smart in school. But there was such a large difference, and his boredom with things happened quickly. This is a child who prefers to take a part a toy in every possible way, screws and all, to learn how it works before he’ll play with it. He’ll continually take it apart, put it together, take it apart, put it together, take it apart ... until he’s learned it perfectly. Then he’ll choose whether it is worthy enough to be played with. One thing I always saw in school, a bored kid can lead to trouble. Aside from that, the birth family had an actual date, with documentation to support it. They were surprised to learn that we had an incorrect date so honouring them was important to us as well.

Where the mix-up happened, who knows, but at this point we’re not concerned with that. A lot of things can be factored in. In most African countries, birthdates are not an important record like they are here. Sometimes it’s known as “the rainy season” or “when so-and-so was president”. Children who are malnourished can be small for their age, and matching birth dates can be wrong. And sometimes orphanages or birth parents may give a younger date so the child has a better chance of being adopted.

At one point, a friend of ours went to Ethiopia and met with one of Mikiyas’ birth family members. They unexpectedly had a gift – a new birth certificate. Unfortunately, the only thing actually correct on it besides the date was a picture of Mikiyas. The parents’ names were wrong, Mikiyas’ name was incorrectly spelled – everything was wrong so we could not use it.

So back in May I took a leap. I gathered all the medical evidence I had, got some letters written by doctors and completed a generic application with citizenship to have the birth date corrected. Two weeks ago, citizenship advised that they received the application and in 5 to 7 months a decision would be made. I phoned them about it, and was happy to hear that at this point, they do not require any additional information. If they choose to approve it without the birth certificate, we will be free of the headache. Mikiyas would receive a new citizenship ID card and that would be acceptable to all things as correct. If they choose not to approve it, then we will have to do it all over again, with a new birth certificate from Ethiopia, which we will obtain when we go next year. Either way, I will get a new birth certificate in Ethiopia, and I will eventually get this age discrepancy worked out. Whether it’s in 2008 or 2010, I don’t know.

So in summary, during the first 7 months Mikiyas was home, he caught up in every developmental area, except a teeny little behind in language, which is expected. He grew 7.5 inches and went from 12 month to 3T/4T clothes. His feet went from size 6 to size 10. When we brought him home on May 31, 2007, Mikiyas behaved like a 10 month old and was socially only 3 months old. On paper he was 18 months old but was actually 33 months old!! That means he was behind 23 – 30 months.

Mikiyas' birth date is out by 15 months. On December 10, 2007 Mikiyas celebrated his 2nd birthday. My little boy is 2, but we say 3, and on September 22, 2008 Mikiyas will turn 4. We’re all excited about this milestone, but during the last year it’s been amazing how much our child has grow and aged. My “under 12 month old baby” is really getting so big and we have accepted the fact that there is even more of Mikiyas’ life that we have missed out on… which explains why his memory of his Ethiopian life is that much fuller.

But we’re thankful for the incorrect date. Without it, we’d never have received Mikiyas. We have no regrets, no hard feelings and we would not wish this to be any other way. God’s will was for us to have Mikiyas as a son and some things need to happen in crazy ways for His will to be carried out. So we thank God for his miracles and even these paper chasing trials! We cannot imagine our lives without our perfectly placed son!