As I was sitting at work today I had the urge to write. To express what has been in my head. We are members of a couple support forums for people adopting from Ethiopia across Canada. The forums have been pretty quiet the last couple days so it was perfect timing to express my mind. As you all are our personal support group, we'd like to share that post with you:
It is interesting how some things play out. Sometimes events are happening all at once, along with thoughts and posts and conversations. Life gets so busy and you feel run down and unsure of whether you can keep up. Then wham. It all stops. Your body says "Hallelujah!" and your mind asks "What am I missing?". And you wait. You sit and wait with anticipation and hopeful patience. Updates to your friends and family get fewer. They stop asking questions and temporarily forget that you are going through this insane double-the-time psychological pregnancy.
You still feel like you should do something. Anything. Shop? What do you buy? In all the initial excitement you may have bought a ton of stuff. People tell you to stop because there'll be nothing left for them if they have a baby shower for you. You can only get so much unisex clothing, especially when you don't know sizes or what time of year you'll be picking your child up. And we all know they grow so fast.
Reality comes and goes. When things are happening, the realness of what you are doing sets in. when you sit and do nothing, it seems so unreal and futuristic. So far away. Like being two years old and waiting for next Christmas when last Christmas was only yesterday.
So here I am. I've not been waiting for months for a referral. I'm ONLY at the stage of having my file in Ottawa. I feel for all you people who are sitting ducks in an open field waiting for that referral. We do not have a growing belly reminding us of what we're doing. We do not have the joy of picking out maternity clothes on a monthly basis. We do not have ultra sounds and doctors appointments reminding us of the joy we shall bring to this world. [And yes, I have been pregnant and know it's not all wonderful!] We do not have every fifth person out there carrying around a flag saying "We're adopting!". Rather, they're carrying around a growing belly to show off to the world. They have strangers smiling and asking "When's the due date?". We'll eventually get "Is it yours?". We have reminders of paper work and adoption loans. We have reminders that the phone continues to sit silent. But we do have reminders that there are people just like us across Canada.
So guys ... we are blessed. We are not only blessed because we will have beautiful children of our own one day ... we are blessed because we have the opportunity to change the life of a child that would have been without. We are blessed because we get to go through so many hoops and learn so much more than everyone else may have. We are blessed because we get to have our own family in a more unique way. We are blessed for so many reasons I can't even list them.
It may seem harder. It may seem frustrating. It may seem like tomorrow will never come. But it will and when it does ... the tears will flow, the smiles will shine and EVERYONE we know will be in awe.
We are also blessed because on these forums we have each other. We have people to rub our imaginary bellies. We have people who can scream in excitement right along with us and remind us that we ARE in reality. Stay encouraged everyone and lets keep sharing in our daily adventures, no matter how miniscule the task you completed may have been.
And here are a few responses [names left out for privacy]. I post these only to show that we are not alone in our thoughts:
Well said Sheri. I totally agree. Thanks.
It is interesting how some things play out. Sometimes events are happening all at once, along with thoughts and posts and conversations. Life gets so busy and you feel run down and unsure of whether you can keep up. Then wham. It all stops. Your body says "Hallelujah!" and your mind asks "What am I missing?". And you wait. You sit and wait with anticipation and hopeful patience. Updates to your friends and family get fewer. They stop asking questions and temporarily forget that you are going through this insane double-the-time psychological pregnancy.
You still feel like you should do something. Anything. Shop? What do you buy? In all the initial excitement you may have bought a ton of stuff. People tell you to stop because there'll be nothing left for them if they have a baby shower for you. You can only get so much unisex clothing, especially when you don't know sizes or what time of year you'll be picking your child up. And we all know they grow so fast.
Reality comes and goes. When things are happening, the realness of what you are doing sets in. when you sit and do nothing, it seems so unreal and futuristic. So far away. Like being two years old and waiting for next Christmas when last Christmas was only yesterday.
So here I am. I've not been waiting for months for a referral. I'm ONLY at the stage of having my file in Ottawa. I feel for all you people who are sitting ducks in an open field waiting for that referral. We do not have a growing belly reminding us of what we're doing. We do not have the joy of picking out maternity clothes on a monthly basis. We do not have ultra sounds and doctors appointments reminding us of the joy we shall bring to this world. [And yes, I have been pregnant and know it's not all wonderful!] We do not have every fifth person out there carrying around a flag saying "We're adopting!". Rather, they're carrying around a growing belly to show off to the world. They have strangers smiling and asking "When's the due date?". We'll eventually get "Is it yours?". We have reminders of paper work and adoption loans. We have reminders that the phone continues to sit silent. But we do have reminders that there are people just like us across Canada.
So guys ... we are blessed. We are not only blessed because we will have beautiful children of our own one day ... we are blessed because we have the opportunity to change the life of a child that would have been without. We are blessed because we get to go through so many hoops and learn so much more than everyone else may have. We are blessed because we get to have our own family in a more unique way. We are blessed for so many reasons I can't even list them.
It may seem harder. It may seem frustrating. It may seem like tomorrow will never come. But it will and when it does ... the tears will flow, the smiles will shine and EVERYONE we know will be in awe.
We are also blessed because on these forums we have each other. We have people to rub our imaginary bellies. We have people who can scream in excitement right along with us and remind us that we ARE in reality. Stay encouraged everyone and lets keep sharing in our daily adventures, no matter how miniscule the task you completed may have been.
And here are a few responses [names left out for privacy]. I post these only to show that we are not alone in our thoughts:
Well said Sheri. I totally agree. Thanks.
Sounds like you are in my same thoughts. The end is near, that's all we know ..... but when? We've been waiting for our referral for 8 months and 11 days. Hopefully, any day now, we'll hear something. All the best.
Sheri, thank you so much for your wonderful post!!! I cannot tell you how much it is appreciated!!! It really hits home when someone says all the things that you are feeling and that you know that you are not alone!!!! I am so thankful to have all of you here on the forum that know exactly what you are going through without having to think "DO THEY REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY OR SHOULD I EXPLAIN MORE" The part about the baby shower is also my favorite part as I get that almost everyday... You have to stop buying everyone says and I keep thinking but it is such great deals I can't pass it up lol.... Again thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts with all of us.
Loved your post ... it's so true. Yes, we are blessed, yes we do have each other and yes, we will all scream with excitement together when we get our referrals. Maybe if we all scream at the same time, we'll hear each other ... lol.
You read my mind! But did you have to make me cry??? LOL! They are good tears of course! I know all about the shopping fixation - and I bought my baby einstein dvd collection today (you are such a bad influence!) The belly.... I wish I had the belly. People keep asking me why it takes so long... I tell them it's an elephant's pregnacy - 2 years in the making! I guess we are still early enough in the process that people still ask for updates every time they see us. I know this won't always be the case - so I'll enjoy it while it lasts ;)
Many adoptive parents feel exactly what I've written on a daily basis. If you know someone else who is adopting ... remember to encourage them. They may need it on what could be a dull day.
Sheri, thank you so much for your wonderful post!!! I cannot tell you how much it is appreciated!!! It really hits home when someone says all the things that you are feeling and that you know that you are not alone!!!! I am so thankful to have all of you here on the forum that know exactly what you are going through without having to think "DO THEY REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY OR SHOULD I EXPLAIN MORE" The part about the baby shower is also my favorite part as I get that almost everyday... You have to stop buying everyone says and I keep thinking but it is such great deals I can't pass it up lol.... Again thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts with all of us.
Loved your post ... it's so true. Yes, we are blessed, yes we do have each other and yes, we will all scream with excitement together when we get our referrals. Maybe if we all scream at the same time, we'll hear each other ... lol.
You read my mind! But did you have to make me cry??? LOL! They are good tears of course! I know all about the shopping fixation - and I bought my baby einstein dvd collection today (you are such a bad influence!) The belly.... I wish I had the belly. People keep asking me why it takes so long... I tell them it's an elephant's pregnacy - 2 years in the making! I guess we are still early enough in the process that people still ask for updates every time they see us. I know this won't always be the case - so I'll enjoy it while it lasts ;)
Many adoptive parents feel exactly what I've written on a daily basis. If you know someone else who is adopting ... remember to encourage them. They may need it on what could be a dull day.
"Fifty years from now, it will not matter what our bank account was,
the type of car we drove, or the type of work we did.
But what will matter is that the world may be different
because we were important in the life of a child."
[Quoted from another adoptive parent's blog]
the type of car we drove, or the type of work we did.
But what will matter is that the world may be different
because we were important in the life of a child."
[Quoted from another adoptive parent's blog]
3 comments:
Immunization shots... yes, in Yarrow of all places. The doctor who provides this service is 'my' doctor, and a rather nice youngish man. His office is an old three storey house that he owns, and renovated. His philosophy is to be that 'country doctor' your parents would have had, or your grandparents. If you need to choose, then choose to have yours done in Yarrow.
Peter.
That's really beautiful Sheri! Have you listened to the song "Orphan" by Newsboys on their CD "Devotion"? If you haven't, I encourage you to. I think of you guys when I hear it. - Heather
Good Morning,
Just read your blog and was so blessed by it. It is good to hear all your thoughts. I am sure you are an encouragement to all those soon to be parents out there. Each day is a new day and with it you come one day closer to holding your child in your arms. It is wonderful how you are able to express your emotions in words and help us all to understand more about the whole process you are both going through.(and so many others). I am sure your child will know clearly how much it is loved already, as God prepares the heart to give and receive, both your heart and their's.
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