One or Two?

This is a post I did on my other blog. I thought it fit well with some of the choices we are making as we introduce you to our second adoption:

When we started the adoption process almost two years ago, we considered adopting a sibling group ... two children at once. It's obvious now that we chose to adopt one child.

When you go to Ethiopia, you see so many good things - beauty both in nature and in the people. Amongst that, you see sadness, poverty and devastation. It entered our minds that maybe we should have adopted a sibling group – help two children. But, looking back, we know that wasn't right for us. We made the right decision.

Being first time parents, we are happy that we adopted Mikiyas as a single child, rather than adopting siblings. Not just because we'd not have Mikiyas now because he's not part of a sibling group, but for other reasons.

For us, we are blessed to have only gone the route of one child. Attachment was a struggle for a little while coming home. Giving Mikiyas one on one attention has been the key. Not just because we're learning as new parents, but because that is what he has needed. We love being able to give that extra one on one attention. Mikiyas has flourished with it. Coming with the baggage he had, we don't think he would have progressed as well as he did if he had been a sibling. We want to be able to do that again for another single child. Mikiyas now loves us and enjoys spending everyone moment with at least one of us. But even now, Mikiyas goes through a stage about once a month where he is depressed and angry. He has a lot of memories, and we can't crack that part of him open, partially because he doesn't talk much.

And being first time parents with Mikiyas, we've had to learn a lot. And with his eyes, his pout and his adorable [sometimes] whine, they can really "gang up" on you ... I can't imagine two of those faces during my learning curve. :) We've also been able to see that Mikiyas will be a wonderful older sibling. But he first needed his time with us alone. Still does for now. And he'll learn to be supportive to a second child who will need some one on one time.

Adopting a sibling group can be such a blessing too. Not only does it help another child, but it can bring that much more excitement to your home. I've seen families flourish with a sibling group as first time parents too. The kids can lean on each other. Maybe coming with a sibling is easier for some kids? Some familiarity?

Another way to look at it is there are children out there who need to be adopted as a single child. They need a little extra one on one attention. They need new love directed just for them and no one else stealing their time for attachment.

When we got home from Ethiopia, we said we'd adopt siblings, mainly for the sake of helping another child. We were excited to have those plans in mind. But since that time, the novelty [for lack of a better word] has worn off. We've gone full circle back to our original plans of adopting a single child for the second adoption. Each child is different, and for Mikiyas, we think he will adjust easier with one sibling entering his life, rather than two.

Even after having been in Ethiopia, we don't feel guilty for only bringing one home at a time. You can't let that happen. There's different needs for both parents and children.