International Adoption

In light of the recent crappy tabloids about international adoption, baby buying, child stealing .... and those of us in the adoption world receiving hate mail and/or anonymous hate posts, it was refreshing to read an article on CNN today that had good reporting. They address both the negative viewpoint together with the positive. Too bad CBC didn't do the same a couple of weeks ago.

I will comment again that it wasn't the negative stories, because they unfortunately do happen, it was the negative reporting that went with it, that was distasteful. Yes, negativity sells, but CBC's reporting gave the view to so many people that are not of the adoption world and don't understand the reality of adoption, that we "buy" our babies; that we shouldn't be "stealing" them from their culture or heritage; that we're selfish and not thinking of the children. I had one anonymous person write to me "Forget your selfish desire to have a child; the child comes first."

Hmm ... so leaving an orphaned child in their country is better than giving them a loving home with a loving family and meeting all their needs, and much more? Is that really less selfish?

Selfish? We did not buy our child. We paid some extravagant fees to agencies and government offices to have paper processed, court hearings held and our house and lives analyzed and scrutinized to see if we were fit to be parents to a child who had absolutely nothing. To me that is not selfish. Imagine what us adoptive families could materialistically have in our homes if we had not paid all that money!! Oh how selfish of us families who sell off possessions, go further in debt, save every penny, shed tears and have hearts broken as we go through the stresses. How cruel of us to only dream of saving lives, sharing love with others, and giving children so much more!

Is adopting a child that has been relinquished in hopes of having a better life worse than adopting a "true orphan"? What is a "true orphan" anyway? Here's the definition:

• a child who has lost both parents
• someone or something who lacks support or care or supervision
• deprive of parents

"Lost both parents". Lost does not mean they died. Lost means they are not there. They're gone. Whether they are alive or not is not the question ... it is whether they are in that child's life. All the children who are placed in orphanages are without parents or they wouldn't be there. All the children who are placed in orphanages are lacking the support, care and supervision of parents. They are deprived of their parents. So they are all "true orphans". And if there were no orphanages they'd die. And if children weren't adopted from orphanages, there'd be no room for more children to enter.

And what most people in the non-adoption world don't understand is that just because some of these adoptions are from third world countries does not mean they just give the kids away. They don't just hand them to us. If they did, we wouldn't wait sometimies up to two years to be placed with a child. Even third world countries have rules, courts and approvals of us. They read reports on us from the beginning, and as the waits for a child get longer, we have to update them on how our lives may have changed. Every adoption has to be approved in court. Every adoption has to have proof that there are no relatives to care for the child. I guess everyone forgot that even Madonna had to go to court... In Ethiopia specifically, we promise to send them a yearly report on our child until they are 18 years of age.

And why is it that it is okay to adopt a child from Canada but not internationally? I could really go on about that, but I think a lot of it boils down to prejudices. I am not saying it's all racial prejudices, but it is prejudices, more centered around just not knowing truths and realities. There is just way too much information to tell the non-understanding people without the gift of adoption some place in their life. There is way too much to tell them. It is those people that likely don't know a single person in their life that is adopted, or they don't know that some of the people they know are adopted.

As my mind keeps churning, I've come to a conclusion. I think CBC took the easy route. There is SO MUCH information about adopting period. Add on international adoption and it would take months to correctly portray it all in the news, as every country is different. So taking the route to slam it and ridicule it is quick and easy.

Now that I've rambled on, here's the CNN article:

(CNN) -- Malawi's decision to reject pop star Madonna's adoption of a local child has reignited global debate about the ethics of international adoption.

[Author Melissa Fay Greene poses with her family, which includes biological and adopted children.]

Some international aid groups have praised the decision as best for the child, a 4-year-old girl named Chifundo James.

"I think it really highlights the bigger picture that there are so many children living in poverty in Malawi, and while Madonna has good intentions ... children would be better off staying in their own communities whenever possible," said Karen Hansen-Kuhn, policy director for ActionAid USA, a development group that also works in Malawi.

"We really need to stay focused on the needs of Malawi and of all the children there," she added.

To get another perspective on the situation, CNN also talked with Melissa Fay Greene, an author and mother of five adopted children.

Greene, who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, is the mother of four biological children, four children adopted from Ethiopia and one adopted child from Bulgaria.

The following is an edited transcript of that conversation:

CNN: What's your initial reaction to the news that Madonna's adoption of a Malawian child has been rejected?

Greene: Surprise. ... It was awfully tricky with Madonna's first adoption, when the child turned out to have devoted family members nearby. [The singer's adoption of a Malawian boy was finalized last year.] And if that's true with this child also, it seems a similar sticky situation.

That's not the situation for the majority of orphanage children around the world, who don't have caring grandparents or aunts and uncles a short walk or bike ride away.

I think it gives people an odd perspective on what international adoption can mean for children who don't have any support network outside the walls of an orphanage.

You often hear attacks on international adoption as robbing a child of his or her culture, and that's both true and false. It's true that an internationally adopted child loses the rich background of history and religion and culture and language that the child was born into, but the cruel fact is that most children don't have access to the local, beautiful culture within an orphanage. ...

There's a culture in orphanages that children are eager to escape from, and it's a culture of being reared as a group and not being doted upon by parents. For any child, that's the bottom line. The fact is that a human child wants that mommy or daddy or both. We're just wired to want that and to need that. And there's no way an institutional setting can give a human baby what the child needs. It's impossible. So you have to balance priorities. ...

I think what some of the human rights group say is absolutely accurate: that international adoption does not begin to solve the problems of the world's orphaned children. It's truly not the answer. ...

At the same time, international adoption, even though it doesn't solve the whole problem, it solves a problem for a few. I think it can be a brilliant solution to the problem of adults wanting a child in their lives or wanting more children in their lives and the problem of children who want parents in their lives.

CNN: How is it different for a celebrity person seeking an [international] adoption than for yourself?

Greene: We don't jet in, take a child and fly out with a child. For an average citizen trying to adopt, it takes most of a year. First of all, you work with a country that already has international adoption regulations in place, so you have a bureaucracy dealing with international adoption. A big part of that is determining that the child is a true orphan, that there is no one who can care for the child. And in the case of our older kids' adoptions, people had to come to court to testify that there was no one to take the children. So you don't run the risk of 'Oh, whoops, there's a grandmother down the street.' ...

CNN: There's been some chatter today online questioning why a person wouldn't adopt an orphaned child from their own country.

Greene: Within the adoption world, it's a non-issue. There are children all over the world who need families, and some find their children in Philadelphia, and some find their children in Bulgaria, you know? ...

It's just outsiders who look on and judge disapprovingly, but then they don't go on to adopt the neighborhood children, right? ... There are many children who need help, and anyone who wants to reach out and adopt a child from foster care or from a Russian orphanage should reach out and do it.

CNN: What has the experience been like for your own foster children?

Greene: We're a white Jewish family in Atlanta, but Atlanta is a major city for eastern African immigrants. So our children are in touch with the Ethiopian diaspora, and they feel very much a part of that. Atlanta is full of Ethiopian restaurants, markets, festivals. For a while, my kids were playing on weekends with an Ethiopian soccer league. I have an Ethiopian baby sitter who speaks to them only in Amharic so they won't lose their language, and we always have Ethiopian food here.

Two years ago, we went back to Ethiopia with the kids and had a big reunion for one of my sons and his extended family ... We just consider ourselves sort of part of this amazing bicontinental family.

CNN: The first time you adopted internationally, can you tell me what your ethical considerations were and how you worked through that personally?

Greene: Our first adoption was of a boy in rural Bulgaria. An incredibly poor orphanage. The kids were hungry, thirsty, no education. I first met our son, Jesse, when he was 4. He was 4 years old, and he did not know what his own name was ...

When he first came, he was just so anxious about food. When he would wake up, he was just shaking, wondering if there was going to be enough food. So I started waking him up with food.

He had issues with water. He wasn't sure if there was going to be enough water to drink, so I bought him a little canteen so he could wear his water all of the time.

Do I have ethical issues about taking him out of that orphanage? I don't.

CNN: Is there anything else you wanted to add?

Greene: I admire Madonna. And I don't understand why everyone attacks Madonna. I think that she is in part trying to raise the world's consciousness about the African orphan crisis.

You know, 95 percent of the children orphaned by AIDS [globally] are in sub-Saharan Africa. You don't hear world leaders talking about it. Where is the global outrage? ...

So, into the breach steps a celebrity. But don't attack her for it, you know. Maybe her methods are not what ours would be, but how many of us are Madonna? But at least she is out there; she's creating a school.

Obviously, she's fallen in love with the Malawian children to such an extent she wants to make some of them her own. And I think that it's great. I just don't understand why the world's attacking her. Let other people step forth and do something. At least she's trying. That's my feeling.