Unknown Siblings

Most of the people who read this are adoptive families. I've been thinking a lot about all our adopted children, in general, and the possibilities of additional siblings. Sometimes our children we adopt say good-bye to their siblings, not knowing it's the last time they will see them. Do the memories get stored away to be forgotten? Do the memories appear only in dreams? Do they occasionally have a memory of another child [sibling] but no longer remember who it is? Do the memories become completely forgotten?

I might add here for those anti-adoption people that it is not the doing of the adoptive family to split up siblings, but rather the choice of someone else, albeit birth family, government officials, agencies.... And yes, you see it in domestic adoptions too, not just international adoptions. I know it would not be the wish of an adoptive parent to purposely split biological siblings up. That is why many adoption applications state that they are open to siblings should the child they are matched with have a sibling. Or, if they find out of a sibling later, they go back and request to adopt that child as well, if at all possible. I've also seen adoptive families also connect with other adoptive families when both families realize their respective children are siblings, or even cousins.

Back to my train of thought.

I was blessed to find out from Mikiyas' bio-family that he has no siblings. That was almost two years ago I received that confirmation. But time passes. Perhaps he has a bio-sibling now, or a half sibling. Will it work out for him to ever know if that's the case? Maybe he will never want to know.

But there is a level of difference, even if minute, between parents and siblings. Some kids choose to never seek out their bio-parents, no matter where they may live. Some adoptive people have grown up never feeling that need because it's not a necessity for them. Maybe anger or hidden feelings play a factor. Perhaps they've always felt content to accept their adoptive family as their "own family" without caring who birthed them. Which reminds me of something I posted on back in March 2006:

Four Adoption Terms Defined Natural Child:
any child who is not artificial Real Parent:
any parent who is not imaginary Your Own Child:
any child who is not someone else's child Adopted child:
a natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own

Sometimes for adopted children, even as they become adults, it doesn't matter in the end about having the same blood run through their veins as their parents. But what about siblings. Some children may never care to know if there are bio-siblings out there. Maybe there won't be. Maybe there will be. What if they find out, without ever seeking to know, that there are siblings, what do they do with the sudden news? Do they try to seek them out and connect?

I guess so much of this has come to mind because I just found out that I have another half-sister. Many, many years ago the possibility was raised but contacts were lost and unknown. After some searching and testing, it's been confirmed. I have a 17-year old sister out there. What's my next step? I guess a part of me is going through the same questions that perhaps my children will go through later in life if the same things happens to them.

And that just opens up another set of questions. Like, what if the other side didn't want to be found / have contact? Then there could be feelings of rejection. And, for an adopted child who may have already gone through that set of feelings, that can resurface some unwanted emotions and thoughts.

I read this on The Center for Adoption Support and Education:

Just as adoptive parents honor the connections to birth parents, it is important that all who touch the lives of children in foster care and adoption give serious consideration to sibling relationships. Whether the goal is to maintain a strong sibling connection, heal sibling relationships, or foster new connections, these ties should not be broken.