So much reading. So much time. So much discussion. So much of everything it seems. We haven't even finished the homestudy process and our lives are revolving around our future child. Get used to it now we say!
The educational component we are doing is very large. Alot of our Christmas holiday was spent with our noses in books. We don't have a hope of really reading just for the sake of reading because so far everything is mandatory reading anyway. We have two large text books with reading, questions and discussion; we each have to read at least one adoption/parenting book; we each write a letter based on what kind of parent we are and how we were parented; we have an essay to do; we have seminars to attend, with of course more reading; and, there's another educational component coming yet - we have no idea how big that one will be. That doesn't include the discussions, questionnaires and forms we also fill out with our social worker at each visit. Well, the more we learn, hopefully the better the parents we will be and the easier it will be on the child. There are so many things that can be taken for granted. So many things you never think of until it's too late or the question is asked.
One very important thing we have learned is this:
"To be a parent is a high calling. To be an adoptive parent is an even higher calling. This is not something you do if you think of it as a "second best" way to build a family. It is challenging in many ways but it is incredibly exciting and rewarding as well."
Adoption is based on losses. That is emphasized strongly. The birth parents have a loss, the child has a loss and the adoptive parents have losses. These losses continue for the entire life time of each party. Although the birth parents will not necessarily affect our situation, we and the child will have losses and issues that will be present throughout what is referred to as the "biological clock" - till death. Attachment is another key thing that has the potential of being especially difficult. Not just with us, but with each person an adoptive person encounters for the remainder of their life. It is up to us to establish their confidence and self esteem. Attachment is foundation. It is the "prototype for relationships". A child uses the attachment with parents [adopted or not] as a way of interpreting the actions of others and as a way of moderating his/her own behaviours. As hard as it may be to believe, unattached children are stunted socially, physically and intellectually.
To set at ease many of the health risk questions some of you have brought to us: There are no different health risks associated with an adopted child from Ethiopia than there are in having our own child or adopting within BC. Of course the Aids question. The children are screened very thoroughly and after receiving as much history as can be provided about the child and the entire medical file, we have the right to say no. We take the medical file and history to one of the many doctors that are familiar adoptions. It is our decision whether we say yes or no. Perhaps this shows it is even less risky than having our own biological child or a BC child. You don't know if there will be a problem with your own and you can't put it back if there is [that's Lyle talking]. Even allergies to our beloved pets ... it's a risk you take in having kids period. If you're willing to risk it with having your own children, why not with an adopted child?
Well enough deep thoughts for one posting. Lyle has his individual appointment with our social worker on January 14. That will probably change though as there is a seminar that day we need to register for now. My individual appointment is January 20. Following that we will have one or two more joint meetings and that's it. The package then goes to Africa and we'll await the referral.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support. A few people have asked us about helping us financially. It is true, adoption is insanely expensive. For those of you wishing to help, we are finding out if Sunrise accepts charitable donations on our behalf so tax receipts can be issued. As well, we have a seperate bank account for adoption funds if you are wanting to give directly to us. We will also look into setting up paypal for the many of you who are not local. We are not asking for money, however, people have asked to help us and anything is very much appreciated.
God bless each of you and your families in the New Year!!
The educational component we are doing is very large. Alot of our Christmas holiday was spent with our noses in books. We don't have a hope of really reading just for the sake of reading because so far everything is mandatory reading anyway. We have two large text books with reading, questions and discussion; we each have to read at least one adoption/parenting book; we each write a letter based on what kind of parent we are and how we were parented; we have an essay to do; we have seminars to attend, with of course more reading; and, there's another educational component coming yet - we have no idea how big that one will be. That doesn't include the discussions, questionnaires and forms we also fill out with our social worker at each visit. Well, the more we learn, hopefully the better the parents we will be and the easier it will be on the child. There are so many things that can be taken for granted. So many things you never think of until it's too late or the question is asked.
One very important thing we have learned is this:
"To be a parent is a high calling. To be an adoptive parent is an even higher calling. This is not something you do if you think of it as a "second best" way to build a family. It is challenging in many ways but it is incredibly exciting and rewarding as well."
Adoption is based on losses. That is emphasized strongly. The birth parents have a loss, the child has a loss and the adoptive parents have losses. These losses continue for the entire life time of each party. Although the birth parents will not necessarily affect our situation, we and the child will have losses and issues that will be present throughout what is referred to as the "biological clock" - till death. Attachment is another key thing that has the potential of being especially difficult. Not just with us, but with each person an adoptive person encounters for the remainder of their life. It is up to us to establish their confidence and self esteem. Attachment is foundation. It is the "prototype for relationships". A child uses the attachment with parents [adopted or not] as a way of interpreting the actions of others and as a way of moderating his/her own behaviours. As hard as it may be to believe, unattached children are stunted socially, physically and intellectually.
To set at ease many of the health risk questions some of you have brought to us: There are no different health risks associated with an adopted child from Ethiopia than there are in having our own child or adopting within BC. Of course the Aids question. The children are screened very thoroughly and after receiving as much history as can be provided about the child and the entire medical file, we have the right to say no. We take the medical file and history to one of the many doctors that are familiar adoptions. It is our decision whether we say yes or no. Perhaps this shows it is even less risky than having our own biological child or a BC child. You don't know if there will be a problem with your own and you can't put it back if there is [that's Lyle talking]. Even allergies to our beloved pets ... it's a risk you take in having kids period. If you're willing to risk it with having your own children, why not with an adopted child?
Well enough deep thoughts for one posting. Lyle has his individual appointment with our social worker on January 14. That will probably change though as there is a seminar that day we need to register for now. My individual appointment is January 20. Following that we will have one or two more joint meetings and that's it. The package then goes to Africa and we'll await the referral.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support. A few people have asked us about helping us financially. It is true, adoption is insanely expensive. For those of you wishing to help, we are finding out if Sunrise accepts charitable donations on our behalf so tax receipts can be issued. As well, we have a seperate bank account for adoption funds if you are wanting to give directly to us. We will also look into setting up paypal for the many of you who are not local. We are not asking for money, however, people have asked to help us and anything is very much appreciated.
God bless each of you and your families in the New Year!!
1 comment:
Gooooo L&S! Behind you all the way, glad to see it being updated :)
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