Jealousy

Admit it.  You've been there.  You've been waiting for your referral and someone else you know gets theirs.  You are excited for them.  Elated with joy.  You write a congratulatory comment or email to them.  Maybe both.  You might even share your heartfelt excitement with a phone call and/or gift.  But deep down, you hate them.  You maybe even shed some tears of anger.  You're filled with jealousy.  You wonder how you'll manage seeing them in person without wanting to throw something at them.

My love/hate relationship?  We met in Ethiopia.  We received our amazing son and they received their amazing daughter.  Over the last few years, we've shared many phone calls, emails, snail mail items and even reunion visits.  Without knowing what the other was doing, we applied for our second adoption.  It wasn't until we both shared the exciting news that our dossier left Canada that we realized what happened.  Our dossiers went to Ethiopia in the same docket envelope.  How cool was that! We laughed, and prayed, that we'd be having a reunion in Ethiopia as we each picked up our second child.

Quite a few months ago, about five or six months now [I've lost track of time], they received their referral.  Their request?  An infant boy under 12 months.  Our request?  A girl under three years of age, being open to siblings if.  As we all know, infants take a long time to receive a referral for.  So do girls.  We were both on the slow track to uniting.

So when they received their referral I was elated.  I was thrilled.  After a week went by I realized that the jealousy was brewing.  I'm over it now, of course, but I did need to get a grip on it.  I needed to make sure the words "I hate you for this!" didn't spill out.  

Thank goodness we are such good friends and honesty can be had.  They know it's not personal for me to be jealous of the situation, and I know it's not like they went out and did it to spite us.  We're all good.  We're full of hugs.  We still miss them and hope to see them soon.  They too understand and love us for hating them. 

But jealousy can really overwhelm you in this process.  All those referrals that happen and as you get closer to the top it still seems so far away.  Half way through you wonder if you should be switching countries because another program started.  Those families have started and finished with kids at home in less time than a referral wait!  Then there's all those people having biological children, leaving you in the dust.  Some have two or three kids come home from the hospital while you keep waiting.  Theirs only taking 9 months and the whole time they know their due date.  When are our due dates?! There's no end date.  The time between referral and travel is now just as long as a pregnancy!  So once you do get your referral, you really have no idea as to when you get to hold your child in your arms and whisper "I love you".  

So yes.  Jealousy is a common emotion that rides the adoption rollercoaster with you.  Admit it.  I know I'm not remotely alone.  

PS - for those family members [MOM!] reading this, do not be concerned.  I'm  doing just fine and jealousy is not a factor at the moment.  I'm just talking about realities.