We have always tried to follow our decision to not share our childrens' pre-adoption stories with others before our they hear it and understand it first. The stories are their stories, not ours. They need to not just know it, but understand it, before the rest of the world, especially strangers, know it. So when the customer next to us in line asks "What happened to his real parents?" or even the grandparents ask at referral time "Is his biological mother dead?" we don't provide the answers. We have a myriad of answers we provide which basically tells strangers it's none of their business, and friends and family that when our son is old enough to tell them, he can.
But, with an age predicament like ours, there is a level of information that gets shared with others, both strangers and not. Information that otherwise would not be shared. Information that would normally be kept private. Information the majority of the world doesn't have to share. Information that has to be carried around in a folder just in case there's a "situation".
The other day, Mikiyas and I went out to get various things done in our new city we call home:
We got library cards - Sorry, his DOB on his ID is not the same as what I put on the application.
We got set up for immunizations - Yes, that's right. I do want his 5 1/2 year old immunizations even though his DOB on his ID says he just turned 4.
We got registered for swimming lessons - Yes, I do realize I gave you a DOB different from that on his ID. Yes, you're right. It does explain one of the reasons he is homschooled and can attend swimming lessons during daytime hours.
We got registered for the BMX racing team - I know his DOB on his ID is different from what I wrote on the form. I understand he's not allowed to compete at age 4 ... Thank you for acknowledging his correct DOB. Yes, I do understand explanations may have to be given and delays may be had at every competition!
We got registered for outdoor soccer - Yes, I know his DOB is screwed up. Could you please speak to "so-and-so" as she went through his medical reports, dental x-rays, developmental reports etc. when I registered him for indoor soccer. I don't feel a need to produce all of that again just for soccer.
And on top of it all, I'm dealing with ID for Mikiyas that is all photocopied. Why? Because citizenship took all originals from me almost 2 years ago!! Oh how I hope and pray that the MP can get this DOB corrected for me. Do you know how nervous I was when Mikiyas and I had to fly to Abbotsford in January? I had no ID for the child that looks nothing like me that I was taking with me on a plane to another city. Would I be accused of kidnapping? Lyle had been while leaving the park one day with Mikiyas, so it was very possible.
So the option right now is to keep my child hidden away and unsocialized, which some people feel I do anyway since we're on the homeschool route, or, I unwillingly divulge pieces of Mikiyas' life that we wish we didn't have to. Seriously, does anyone else have to provide medical, dental and developmental histories just to get a library card or join a youngsters soccer league?
But, with an age predicament like ours, there is a level of information that gets shared with others, both strangers and not. Information that otherwise would not be shared. Information that would normally be kept private. Information the majority of the world doesn't have to share. Information that has to be carried around in a folder just in case there's a "situation".
The other day, Mikiyas and I went out to get various things done in our new city we call home:
We got library cards - Sorry, his DOB on his ID is not the same as what I put on the application.
We got set up for immunizations - Yes, that's right. I do want his 5 1/2 year old immunizations even though his DOB on his ID says he just turned 4.
We got registered for swimming lessons - Yes, I do realize I gave you a DOB different from that on his ID. Yes, you're right. It does explain one of the reasons he is homschooled and can attend swimming lessons during daytime hours.
We got registered for the BMX racing team - I know his DOB on his ID is different from what I wrote on the form. I understand he's not allowed to compete at age 4 ... Thank you for acknowledging his correct DOB. Yes, I do understand explanations may have to be given and delays may be had at every competition!
We got registered for outdoor soccer - Yes, I know his DOB is screwed up. Could you please speak to "so-and-so" as she went through his medical reports, dental x-rays, developmental reports etc. when I registered him for indoor soccer. I don't feel a need to produce all of that again just for soccer.
And on top of it all, I'm dealing with ID for Mikiyas that is all photocopied. Why? Because citizenship took all originals from me almost 2 years ago!! Oh how I hope and pray that the MP can get this DOB corrected for me. Do you know how nervous I was when Mikiyas and I had to fly to Abbotsford in January? I had no ID for the child that looks nothing like me that I was taking with me on a plane to another city. Would I be accused of kidnapping? Lyle had been while leaving the park one day with Mikiyas, so it was very possible.
So the option right now is to keep my child hidden away and unsocialized, which some people feel I do anyway since we're on the homeschool route, or, I unwillingly divulge pieces of Mikiyas' life that we wish we didn't have to. Seriously, does anyone else have to provide medical, dental and developmental histories just to get a library card or join a youngsters soccer league?
5 comments:
Wow, I didn't realize how many implications there are with an age discrepancy. I'm it must be very frustrating for you. We don't have that at all with our son since he became adoptable at such a young age. I'm glad you shared this, so we are more aware of this for our future adoption.
This goes to show how very age focused our culture is.
You apparently are much more polite than I am. I just say the corrected age and offer no explanation. So far, so good. Okay, so maybe some strange looks, but whatever!
Wow, that must be really tiring time and time again having to justify yourself to everyone, including complete strangers. I will need to look to you for advice if/when we experience a similar situation...
Thanks for sharing, your insight on this topic is extremely helpful.
L
Weird, never once in registering my kids for anything, including preschool have I been asked for ID for my kids or any proof of age. Never.
Unless they had reason to be concerned, why would they question a parent on this? Or does it become more of an issue when kids are older? My oldest is only 4.
I am surprised they let you do the immunizations. That is one area where they refused to listen to my doctor or the paperwork we had, it was a nightmare.
we have faced similar things, mainly we just stick with the ID that we have, and have people comment on how amazingly tall or mature our kids are...
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